Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts

Monday, September 22, 2014

Care Package: For The Broken Hearted

Some time ago, a girl friend of mine suffered a broken heart. She broke up with his first ever serious boyfriend, whom she thought would turn a husband. The thing is, my friend is the type who had always wanted to marry young. As long as I can remember, all that she wanted was, she wanted to meet a man, she wanted to fall in love, she wanted to get married and build a family at a young age. She still does, but now she's thirty-something years old and lives a glamorous life as a single, successful, career woman who travels all over the world instead. Her life looks so glamorous and exciting, yet she wailed to me: "This is the life that YOU wanted and YOU used to live and enjoy! You never wanted to get married, I did, I do, and look at us now. I enjoy this life, and I try to live the life that God gives me now, but this is NOT what I want!"

So you can imagine how sad she became, when, after getting serious with this one man, after introducing both sides of the parents, etc., out of the blue the man broke up with her, when she was waiting for a proposal!

I cared about this friend dearly, yet I also know my limitation. I had just had a baby at that time, and had limited time nor energy to go out with her or even listen to her for hours over the phone. So I searched all over the house and bought several things from a nearby mall, wrapped it nicely, and sent it over to her office. Nothing too fancy, just some odds and ends that I thought would help to make her feel better, to make her feel special and loved, even if by a lady friend, not by a boyfriend!

She was ecstatic and thankful. "Usually you married people are so self-centered and inconsiderate to us single people. I never excepted you would make the time to do this for me. Thank you!"

Oh.

Self-centered and inconsiderate married friend.

Well...


Once I watched an episode of Sex & The City, I think the title is "A Woman's Right to Shoes". Carrie was invited to a baby shower - a third child - of a lady friend, where she was required to take off her Manolo Blahnik shoes prior entering the house, because "The twins always pick up things off the floor." She did, and at the end of the night, her shoes were gone unknown, and her hostess acted like she could not care less and shamed Carrie for spending so much money on shoes. Also "We have a family now, so we have real responsibilities." To which Carrie wailed to her friend Charlotte "I did a mental calculation, and in total I have spent more than 3,000 dollars for her celebrating her choice of life in wedding shower gift, wedding gift, three baby shower gifts; and she shamed me for spending a lowly 400 dollars on myself to buy shoes? Think about it, aside from birthdays, after graduation, if you are single, you don't have any celebration dedicated for you."

That's true.

All over the internet, I read posts on "The Rules to Visit a New Mother", and "How You Can Help A New Mother", and "What To Bring a Friend Who Just Had A Baby" and "Wedding Gifts Ideas". I read a lot of posts on mothers giving advise to single women how to tolerate friends who just got married or just got a baby.

So I wrote from the other side of the fence: "How it feels as a single friend, when your friend got married and had a baby." I hope it can gives a different perspective on married ladies and mothers to think about how the other party feels. You can read the post here.

Still, what my friend said stunned me. She didn't expect that after husband and children, I would be that much of a friend to her. In her state of singleness, she didn't except that I would have time to remember her in her trials. She expected that me having "real responsibilities" would take her broken heart lightly.

Now I'm the one who got brokenhearted. Who won't, if your dear friend said something like that!

I've been thinking of what I can do for others lately. We have received so much from Heavenly Father. We believe that in every gift, He slipped something extra for us to share to others. We did some charity for flood victims and we wrapped package of clothes and shipped it to a natural disaster shelter, but we want to do something more. So what to do?

Sometimes an act of kindness doesn't require you to send a check to orphans faraway overseas. You can give a smile and kind words, but if you really want to give a real something, consider to send care packages. You don't need to know the recipient personally. You can create a pretty package, and give it to someone you don't know. Perhaps a sister of a coworker just had a baby and her husband is overseas? Send her something via your coworker. You heard that an elderly aunt of a neighbor's friend who live alone is ill? Ask for her address and send her something.

Today I will talk about creating a care package for a friend who just suffered a broken heart. Here are some ideas and tips.

What a broken heart needs, here and now, is a positive distraction.

Anything that can keep her occupied, anything that can keep her mind away off loneliness, romance and tears, is good. Anything uplifting, positive, encouraging and "girl power". She can deal with growing up, "this is for the better", "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" mentality later on. What she needs right now, is keeping her mind away from anything that can remind her of her ex, and gives time a chance to heal her heart, and perhaps, her dignity. The worst time is night time, when everyone else is asleep and she is completely alone. So think of something that can keep her occupied, even when no one else is around. Even her Mom will not be able to stay up the whole night listening to her venting and wailing! There will be times when she'll be alone and needs something to do.

Think of pretty packaging

Get several lovely, girlie things and wrap each individually. Embellish with flowers, ribbons, bows, lace, colorful papers, and stickers. Can you imagine how happy she would be to open the main package and find so many beautifully wrapped gifts inside? She would wonder and curious about what each package contains, and every unwrapping will put a smile on her face! It's like opening a surprise gift, filled to the brim with small surprises! Enclose little love notes and encouraging phrases, too!



Funny and encouraging DVDs

Your friend will suffer many lonely and teary nights and Saturday nights. Be considerate and don't send her mellow, romantic comedy. Send her a movie that can make her laugh and forget about her sorrows for ninety minutes, like "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels". Or send her something that can rebuild her hope and positive energy, and want to make something of herself despite her man leaving her, like "Legally Blonde" and "Door to Door". They don't even need to be new movies. You can give her yours to keep.



A lovely manicure set and colorful nail polish

If she's a beauty girl, she will have a lot of fun playing with pretty nail polishes. Send her happy, cheerful, and funky colors, even crazy ones like electric blue, add some nail stickers and nail art kit. It will cheer her up for hours when she gets busy with those. Even grown up girls still want to have fun!
A box of chocolate

Not the Valentine-y, heart-shaped chocolates! Just some old, good, delicious ones. It's not the time to count calories, girl friend! Just let it go and indulge yourself. Or you can give a big jar of Nutella. Everybody loves Nutella. Works every time.



A gift certificate to her favorite online shop

It doesn't have to be much. Even a ten dollar voucher will do so she can buy a nice toe ring with it. Why online? I remember that for brokenhearted souls, the hardest part is not when they go out eating with their friends, working out, or shopping at the mall. The darkest hour is late at night when you have nobody to talk to and no place to go. But online stores open 24/7! So instead of crying her eyes out, she can surf and buy something nice and inexpensive for herself.

Easy art and craft supplies

A mini project kit like scrapbooking, cute stickers, pretty stationeries, colorful papers, fabrics, odds and ends to make something in a quick and creative way. If she can crochet or knit, give her some beautiful yarns and patterns. She can spend hours doing it and forget about Mr. You-Know-Who.





Some light reading, anything non-romance

Chicken Soup series. Shopaholic series. Debbie MacComber non-romance collection like Twenty Wishes. Mystery novels like China Bayles series. Books on travel and faraway lands like A Year in Provence or Under The Tuscan Sun. Funny comic books.  Even all time classics like The Secret Garden, Pollyanna, A Little Princess and Little House series. Some might consider them children books, but they are good and comforting reading, as well as inspiring and brings back good memories of childhood, when things were much simpler and there was no complicated relationships between boys and girls!

If your friend is a Christian, give her anything that can remind her that she is a daughter of A King afterall

Some CDs of Christian music, because any pop music might remind her of her ex. A little book of prayer. A book of daily devotion.

Multivitamin

In a state of mild or heavier sadness, she might eat less or eat more, but not very healthy. She might need additional multivitamin to keep her healthy even if she cries all the time.

Soup in a jar or cookie dough mix that she can heat and bake herself

There will times, either late at night or during the day when she is alone and has some time to kill and needs comfort food! Cooking is an excellent teraphy! Especially if what you need to do is just add some water and throw all the ingredients together in a pan. Simmering, savory, hearty soup is an all time comfort food that everyone loves.




Girlie, fun, pretty looking, sweet smelling, self pampering beauty kit

Body lotion. Body butter. Scented candle. Bath soap. Peel off face mask. Anything that can make her feel like a pampered princess, even from the solitude of her own bedroom! It needs not to be expensive products. The name of the game is fun, fun, fun.



I'm sure you can also come up with a long list of amazing ideas! Of course, you can also offer mental support with prayer, an ear to listen, some time to hang out with her, and lots and lots of love!

Note: all the pictures are not my own.

I'm linking up to these wonderful Ladies:

Monday

Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday

9 comments:
Labels: , , , ,

Monday, June 23, 2014

Week in Recap: Everyday (Trying) Being A Good Wife

Happy Monday, Friends!

Every week I chronicle my life in this little pink blog. Every week I pick a theme, and this week's theme is about loving your husband (if you happen to be married) even when he is being... well, un-love-able. 

Here is the highlight of my life from last week...

On Family

On Saturday, Hubby's cousin held a sanjit lunch. What is sanjit? On easier term, it's like an engagement ceremony, but actually it's a little bit different. In Chinese tradition (I'm Indonesian Chinese), a man doesn't just propose to a woman to get married. Oh, no! First, of course, he asks the woman. After that, it's all family affairs until the day of the wedding. Wedding here is not about the bride and groom, but more about family. Practically the only thing I decided for my wedding was my dress. The rest of the affair went according to the wishes of my mom and mother-in-law. You might think the wedding day is the bride's day so she should have the kind of wedding that she wants. Her dream wedding. Well, I think about it this way: after the wedding, both the son and daughter of the families will leave the nest and fly on their own. The wedding is the last time the parents can make decisions about their children's life, so why not make them happy and comply to their wishes? After all, after the wedding, Hubby and I still have the rest of our lives to make decisions on our own, without our parents' interference. 

In Chinese tradition, there are two ceremonies that take place between the two families before the wedding. One is sanjit. The other is the proposal. Sanjit is basically a ceremony where the groom's family comes and pays respect to the bride's parents, bearing gifts of sweets, money, food, clothes, and many other symbolic items to say: "Thank you for rearing your daughter so well so that now she has grown into a woman who will make an excellent wife." On the proposal ceremony, the groom's parents comes and asks permission from the bride's parents if they may join the two families by seeking the daughter to marry their son. We still pretty much carry the tradition, though it's more as ceremonial events. It's not like an arranged marriage or anything like that. I personally appreciate this kind of auspicious event, because it gives opportunities for both side of the families and distant relatives to gather, mingle, sit down and eat together.

As you can see from the pictures, sanjit and proposal in Chinese tradition are symbolized by wearing red or reddish colors. I wore fuschia batik cheongsam, and Hubby wore burgundy red batik. Unfortunately, I had my hands full with Michael so I didn't get a chance to take many pictures, but here are some of the ones I managed to capture with my iPhone. Unfortunately my mother-in-law wasn't feeling well on that day, so she couldn't come.


See? I couldn't even stand when this picture was taken, for Michael refused to move an inch! He also wore a new striped red shirt with jeans and new pair of black suede shoes. Too bad he wouldn't let me take his picture because he constantly moving and would not stay still!


Sunday was Father's Day! We don't celebrate Father's Day here in Indonesia. Well, we should, because we do have Mother's Day on December 22 every year. However, I created this little collage for Hubby. Isn't it cute!


On Marriage

"She brings him good, and NOT evil, all the days of her life." 

(Proverbs 31:12)


For further discussion about this verse, please click here.

ALL the days of my life. ALL. Now, this is difficult. How can I be loving when he is being difficult and un-love-able? Let's just say Hubby had a rather rough time last week, and let's say his words to me were not the sweetest. It was very tempting to snarl back smartly at him, but I realized it wouldn't do good for anyone but satisfying my own ego and emotions. I did some mishaps here and there, being just a normal human being.

Hubby always says how he loves having an intelligent, smart wife. He loves having conversation about business, finance, politics, that kind of "serious" topics with me. You think when he comes home he just want to relax and forget about work and the world outside and enjoy the safe haven that we called home? Oh no... His idea of winding down is playing a bit with our son, then after tucking Michael in, he will talk to me all about his day, his work, his thoughts, his ideas, his plans for our future, our investment, our business, etc. He didn't care much to talk about baby food and child rearing methods. After all, he is a man, and that's what girlfriends with children are for, for this kind of domestic discussions! He always praises me of being logical, pragmatic and sensible, just like a man. Well, well, well. I should know that despite all those praises, he married me, a woman, and from time to time he will need me just to be a woman! A wife who listens. Just listen. Without giving any logical or smart opinion! He just needs me to listen and that's all. He doesn't need me giving any advise or solutions. That, and some hugs and kisses will be nice, too! ^__^

By the way, notice the phrase "ALL the days of her life"? Yes, it means it, folks. It means everyday in our lives until we day, to love and bring good, NOT evil to our husbands. Not just when we are in a good mood. Not when we feel like it. Not just when he is being lovable. Or successful. Not just on anniversary. It means everyday. When we are happy. When we have had a hard day. When we are feeling a bit sick. When he forgets to pick up dinner though you have told him to. When he refused to help you with the dishes because he was "tired" but then he was not so tired to go out with his friends to watch football. When he makes the same mistake, again. When he (unfairly) snaps at you, again. 

Everyday, ALL days of my life, until the day I die. That's how long the Lord said I shall love and bring good to my husband. I wrote about my contemplation on this particular verse here in this post. 

I posted this picture on social media and tagged him at work. People might think it was just another narcissistic selfie picture, but actually my earring said it all: LOVE. I just wanted to give him a little reminder that his wife loves him, no matter what.

, 

Hubby also received a lot of love from our little son!


On Work and Friendship

God is kind and good. He doesn't give trials more than one can handle to grow. While Hubby was having problem, my situation at work improved significantly. It's still a work in progress, but things are getting better and I have a much better mood and positive energy to tackle things in the workplace. Automatically, it also translates to me coming home with a positive outlook and bounce in my steps, instead of annoyance and frustration. Therefore, I had more patience, wholesomeness and sweetness to welcome Hubby home. Last week he showed me uncomparable support. This week, it was my turn to be the supportive spouse.

I did write that one my responsibilites is managing the penthouse. It's like a homemaker's work, but the home is the office! I ordered some of these magnificent orchid in vases for the penthouse lounge. They are gorgeous, don't you think! A thing of beauty is a joy forever, Mary Poppins said.


My other responsibility is managing apartment project, and I have the most amazing team. We went out to lunch together, on a vendor's treat, at Duck King, and here is a picture of me and the girls. Well, the boys sat at the front of the car and in another car, so they don't show up in this picture.


There were many times when I was reminded again and again that happiness can be something very simple. As simple as trying out a new neighborhood restaurant for lunch with wonderful coworkers who also happen to be good friends. Last week, the three of us, me, Fitri and Fani went to try this just-opened Chinese restaurant near the office, called Golden Pigeon, whose specialty is, of coures, deep fried pigeon. It was Friday, we were feeling trying out something new, and it was a splurge, so despite the rather expensive price, we decided to jump in. Well, it's not ludicrously expensive nor extravagant, but let's say we spent a little bit more than what we usually spent on lunches.

Hubby and I don't bring lunch to work, though we do bring breakfast that I packed for both of us. I have a very strict and busy schedule, I don't have time to cook except for weekends and occasional dinner, including our once-a-week meatless dinner. I choose to spend my cooking priority to make my son's food from scratch everyday, so he will always have fresh food on a daily basis. Things might change later on, but at this point, we almost always eat out for lunch and dinner.


Back to this particular lunch, my coworkers and I have established a list of favorite restaurants around the office for lunch, but occassionally we try out new venues. Some turned out to be a failure, some turned out to be a success. This one we considered a success, though because of the price, we may not go back there again too often. However, I was thinking to invite Hubby to eat dinner there one of these days.


I couldn't resist to take this picture, the color combination is so pretty!



The lunch menu was totally out of our comfort zone: deep fried pigeons, some steamed pokchoy with garlic, tofu with vegetable in delicious broth, crispy Sechuan style fried chicken. The dishes were tasty and different and unique, and we decided that the lunch was a good experience afterall. See? Happiness can be as simple as having good time with good food and good company on Friday. We are so blessed to be able to afford this kind of simple yet abundant lifestyle that is sprinkled with the Lord's bountiful extras on top. We are not in no way rich people, but we have roof over our head, a nice home, a job that we enjoy, a good husband, children, family, friends, and enough money to splurge on relatively lavish lunch - and occassionally on nice purse - once in a while!  ^__^



The interior of the restaurant is also an eye candy in itself. It's simple but cute.


Last week's to do list:
  • Read Chapter 9 of Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle".
  • Read and contemplate on the Book of Proverbs Chapter 3 Part 1: Confidence in God Leads to Prosperity.
  • Return original legal papers to the bank's safe deposit box.
  • Renovation permit.
  • Tidy up my writing table.
  • Appointment with my dermatologist.
  • Find suitable flowers for our prayer corner table.
  • Renew my husband's life insurance.
  • Editing my accessory collection.
This week's to do list:
  • Read Chapter 11 of Barbara Kingsolver's "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle": Slow Food Nations.
  • Read and contemplate on the Book of Proverbs Chapter 3 Part 1: Confidence in God Leads to Prosperity.
  • Biweekly grocery shopping.
  • Meatless Tuesday dinner menu: mixed salad (romaine lettuce, spinach, boiled eggs, sliced apples, tomatoes, shallots) with some grilled potatoes.
  • Starting once-a-week weekend oatmeal breakfast in addition to once-a-week meatless dinner.
  • Looking up oatmeal recipes online: sweet recipes for Hubby, savory recipes for Michael and me.
  • Introducing new fruit and new oatmeal recipe snack for Michael.
  • Paying monthly bills.
  • Organize and file Michael's pictures from Hubby's DSLR camera.
  • Organize and file family financial records.
  • Organize and file family legal records online.
  • Taking pictures for post about my morning fruit and veggie smoothie routine.

I'm linking up to these wonderful Ladies:

Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
13 comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...