Monday, February 4, 2013

The Transitionary Season

Thank you for all your kind and encouraging words, as well as your prayers for us, on my last post. The flood has subsided and we are - me, my husband and Baby Michael are safe and dry. ^_^ It's still rainy season here in Jakarta, so I hope there won't be no more flood!
These are some pictures which I think, were taken a year or so ago, so definitely not now when I'm pregnant. (By the time this post is published, I would have given birth already I think, depends on when I decide to schedule this particular post.)

When writing this, I'm on week 36th of my pregnancy and I have so many questions and worries inside my mind. Especially since I knew that I would have to go through C-section instead of normal birth, and I've never had any stays in hospital in my life, not to mention having a surgery! So as time comes closer, I become more and more anxious and yes, scared.

I'm afraid ot the needle and pain.
I'm afraid that I would not recover quickly after the surgery, and I so want to get back on my feet again after months of difficult and inactive pregnancy.
I'm afraid that my husband cannot take it anymore, having a wife who is in such weak condition for months already, and is still weak even after giving birth!
I'm afraid that I will not get my shape back after having a baby, since there's no way that you can do pilates within a short period of time after C-section, rite! I know it sounds shallow, but I do care about what I look like. My husband doesn't expect me to look like twenty-something forever, of course. But he did told me that it would be nice to have a wife who doesn't "let herself go" after having children, at least, he said, he will appreciate if I look like I'm raking care of myself and make an effort to look nice. So yeah, I want to do that for him, as well as for myself.
I'm afraid if I cannot be a good mother. I know nothing about taking care of a baby! I'm the youngest child, so I never had any baby brother or sister to take care of when I was growing up.
I'm afraid that I would become too tired and cranky to be a good wife from taking care of the baby.
I'm afraid that I would not have enough time for my husband and for myself after the baby.
I'm afraid of losing too much blood during the surgery.
I'm afraid that I won't be coming out of the surgery room alive!

Gosh, I know I sound paranoid, but that's what I'm feeling right now. By the time this post is published, I would have gone through it and perhaps laugh at my own silliness. I hope. But right now, the most relieving thing I could do is just spilling it all out!

So what's a girl to do in a situation like this? Well, this girl prays. She asked people and especially her loved ones to pray for her. I asked my husband to include me in his prayers, also. I have never asked for that before. I just told him yesterday that I'm afraid, and he said it's OK, I could share my worries with him. But I know that he is also stressed out and worry but won't say it, so I really really don't want to add to that.

So I pray. It does work wonders, Friends. It doesn't erase all the worries, but it helps a lot.

I am not in control. But He does. And boy, remembering that makes me feel somehow so much better!

"When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the Lord;
My prayer reached You in Your holy temple."
 (Jonah 2:8)

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Marla Robinson said...

So pretty. Good luck with your pregnancy. I understand your fears but they will all go away once you hold that little sweet infant in your arms. You are in my thoughts.

A Joyful Noise said...

Being a mother does not always come naturally, but you have lots of blogging friends with suggestions and helps. There there are your friends at church who have children, make friends with those you respect as a mother. Surgery is scarey, but God will take you through it, and help you to regain your strength and figure too. Thanks for sharing at "Tell Me a Story."

Rachel R. said...

Thank you for your honesty.

I see from your sidebar that the little one is here and, I assume, you and he (she?) are both healthy and safe. Enjoy the snuggling time!

Judith said...

You will be able to take care of yourself and get your figure back after a section. It will take time but you will be able to do it. It is important for you and for your husband. You will love your baby so much and learn how to take care of him. You will be a great mother.

Read your Bible every day and that will keep your priorities in order even if you can't keep up with other things. Praying is so important too. Read the Bible and Bible stories to baby Michael even though he is so little that it seems he won't understand it. Sing to him too about the Lord. You will do fine!!

Thanks for linking this sweet post up over at WholeHearted Home.

This Week @ Great Peace Academy said...

Hi LeeAnn,
Congratulations on your up coming baby. Parenthood is filled with joy and anxiety. Blessings to you!

Thank you for linking up with Marriage Moment. Hope to see you around weekly.

Mom Fashion World said...

Good to hear you and your family are safe.
I like the outfit... lady in red :-)

By the way, I stumbled upon your blog through Mama Style Link Up.
I hope you can visit my blog and if you'd like we can follow each other.

Melaina25 said...

Glad you are all ok!

✰Transatlantic Blonde✰

Lynne DeVenny said...

OMG, where did the time go? You are a mom to a baby boy now. I bet he's beautiful, and I bet you are just as lovely as ever. Congratulations!

Love, peace, & grace,
The Good Will Hunting Paralegal

Anita said...

Sharing our fears with our husbands, brings a closer bond.

Have you considered having a daily time of prayer together; to read a devotion and lift each up in prayer. It is something I value so much.

Blessings, on you and your family.

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